Step 1: The "To-Do" List

So, I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to say, "Yes, I can do that" and then I have to figure out how to squeeze that task/favour/project into the already over-crowded schedule. Ultimately, that means that something else needs to get bumped in order to make it work and that something is usually a thing that brings me joy on an individual level. Inevitably, I end up kicking myself for taking on that task and turn into a grumbling, grouchy mess weighed down by obligation

For nearly 6 years, I've been triaging priorities like my sanity depends on it. I mean, I've probably been doing it longer than that, but in May 2016 I went back to school to (finally!) get my Bachelor's degree and that's when things got really intense. I haven't always done a good job of managing my priorities, as my poor plants will attest, but there was a lot that I was balancing: 4 kids, work, a home and a marriage, and university. I can't count the number of times when people would say to me "I don't know how you do it all" and I would laugh and say, "Coffee. Oh, and I don't sleep and my house is a mess." In fact, if I had a dollar for every time I'd had that conversation, it would have paid for all of the coffee.

In December 2021, after I wrote my last final exam, I had a big moment of "Now what?"

For nearly 6 years, my entire self was built around assignment deadlines, semester dates, required readings, and fitting all of these things in and around my kids and juggling work. But now I wasn't going to have that. And, of course, everyone wanted to know what my next steps looked like. What was I going to do with my degree?

I don't know.

I didn't know when I went back to school to study creative writing. I didn't know when I decided to tack on a criminology minor to my degree. I didn't know when I discovered a passion for helping other people develop their writing skills when I applied for a job as a peer tutor at my university.

My credentials were mailed to me on January 27, 2022. It's official now. I have a Bachelor of Arts degree with a minor in Creative Writing and a minor in Criminology. With distinction. 

I still don't know what I'm going to do with it.

What I do know is that I have 2 novels and a novella in various stages of completion that I want to work on, but I've been held back by a "lack of time" and the intense fear of failure brought on by perfectionism tendencies.

I have a ridiculously large To-Be-Read pile. It's at the point where I'm hesitant to buy new books because I'm worried that I'll forget about some of the ones I already have. Yes, it's that bad.

I have emotionally important craft projects that have been left unfinished. I don't want to say "abandoned" because the intent to complete them is there. The issue is that when I started doing these momento projects for my first child, I didn't know that I would one day have 4 children. They require a lot of time... and so do the craft projects.

Taking better care of myself. This should really be at the top of my list, but it's the one that's easiest to bump off. A better sleeping schedule. Eating better (I really need to stop eating for convenience and start eating foods that won't set off my IBS). Exercising! I need to start going for walks for the sake of going for walks.

There are so many more things. I have to find a job because being a student employee means that you need to be a student, so this is my last semester working as a peer tutor. I was lucky enough to stumble into a contracted position as an admin assistant last summer that keeps getting extended, but I need a permanent position somewhere. Preferably doing something that utilizes my degree and the skillset that I've built up over the last few years.

I want to get out and redesign my gardens (front and back of the house) and get my hands dirty. I want to make art just because I feel like it. I want to write without the pressure that I put on myself to make it "good" the first time. I want to be able to sit back and just enjoy a cup of coffee without calculating the tasks that have to get done for the day.

I want to see if I still enjoy the things that I used to enjoy or if I like different things now. It seems so weird, but basically I'm doing my 2020 lockdown experience in 2022. I didn't get to explore nature and bake bread when everyone else was because I was too busy taking classes, developing a rather intense anxiety issue, and helping my kids navigate these uncertain times.

I bought a planner (of course I did) with these goals in mind. It has these neat features, like setting 4 major goals for the year and then breaking those down into smaller, monthly and weekly tasks that help build up to those goals. There's also a place to write down a reward for meeting the goals for that month. So, I'm using the planner as a guide. I'm going to share smaller things on Instagram and then this blog will be for reflecting on how things are going and what I've been checking off the list. 

It's time to stop talking about doing the things and just... do the things.

I think it's going to be an interesting year.